Here I am again!

hey guys!
I am back, I finally have the time to write again. So many things has happened, one of the worst things ever: me and my boyfriend broke up after 9 months. I have been sad for weeks and sometimes I still am, I miss him and I feel so stupid for it!. But now the good new I am freaking 102 days clean at the moment! And to be honest I never thought I would make it this far because after me and my first bf broke up I relapsed but I didn’t after this break up!
I am not sure if I ever told you about my class teacher, she is really nice but she told my parents about my eating problems. I had to gain the weight I lost and so I did. Right now I feel so fat and yeah ;/ but it is getting better!. So back to her, on thursdays I have here for 4 hours and she is like a trigger for me. She is so skinny and I can’t stop looking at her as the woman who made me fat again. We have this 1 hour in the week that is dedicate to our class, and this week she told us she want to do ‘talks’ I am pretty sure that she wants to talk to me 2 and it scares the crap out of me! But I am sure I will survive :)
I feel good, happier at least but sometimes recovery is so hard. I started wondering if it was worth it to stay clean and keep going. I don’t know the answer yet but I know that giving up isn’t an option for me and it also shouldn’t be an option for you!
Stay strong beauty’s <3 I love you and I am glad I am back!

I have to stop

Heey peepz (l)

I haven’t blogged a lot past weeks. That is because I am not feeling okay and don’t have a lot to write about. I need to focus on getting beter and recover from self harm. I am now 24 days clean and still going strong.

I am so sorry to stop blogging but there is just to much going on in my life right now. I have to figure out what I want because I can’t handle my own feelings right now. I will be back I promise

I love you guys stay strong <3

school started! :D

Heey guys!

Today school started (: I was happy to see everyone and meet the new kids in my class. It was so much fun! We talked so much about nothing and it was so much fun. I missed them so much (: We got to know or new teacher and she is awesome! She is skinny, short, short hair and she has a piercing!. I think she is totally awesome and she is an English teacher (: We also have a male teacher and he is very handsome! And also very nice (: We talked about bands and stuff and I am so happy that we have them.

So I am really excited about this year and I think it is going to be so much fun with our awesome class! I hope it will be better then last year, but I am pretty sure it will be better!

Stay strong and lots of love <3

back 2 school!

heey (:

So tomorrow I have to go back 2 school!!! (: The first day is always fun so I am excited about that. I can’t wait to see everyone agian! Missed them so so so much. I will have my own laptop back so I will write more. I also get my books tomorrow I never had books for school before so that will be weird haha. Today was weird. My bf was here but first I didn’t even want him here. But we saw eachother and he made me happy like always (: It was so much fun! Loved it haha. Tomorrow I will write about my first day of school

bye xx lots of love

back 2 school & lost weight

Heey guys

I have to go back to school in a few days. I am excited to see everyone again because I missed them so so much! But I don’t want the home work or getting up early out of bed for something you don’t even want. The first day is going to be fun, I have school picture and a sport day! I am excited about it.

The pas few weeks has been hard on me. I started with eating less and work out more it worked so I lost weight. I did it the wrong way.. I was reading pro ana sites and I stopped eating food I liked. I am counting the calories in everything! I still feel fat and not good enough and I hate it so so much. I want to lose up to 3 kg more before I can feel better. Their is just so much going on and I can’t take it. I am just 9 days clean and have urges all the time. The need to hurt myself is big. I won’t do it but it is still so hard. I ate so much today and didn’t lost weight and now I feel disgusting.. and I want everybody to leave me alone but I don’t knay how how to say that.

This week also had a good side. I saw my boyfriend 2 times and I will see him again in 2 days. We first kissed! that was weird fun but weird haha. After my ex I said I never see myself kissing someone else’s lips or hugging another body. And now that I am doing it it feels great. I love him.

So that was it for today stay strong beauty’s <3 I love you

Back (:

Hey guys!

I am back (: It took a little longer but I feel way better. I don’t feel the need to harm myself. I think I am on a way called recovery and I am happy about that. I wouldn’t be that if I hadn’t such good friends (: Remember I wrote about loosing weight? Well I lost it, 3,6 kg since I started. And It feels great I want to lose another 2,2 kg and then I will be happy. I am doing way better (: Their will be a fashion blog on saturday (:

Love you guys stay strong <3

100 posts!!

Heey guys (:

I am so proud this is the 100 thing I writing for this blog! I have 31 followers and a lot readers (: I love you guys so much. Mine blog means the world to me and I wouldn’t know what to do without it.

I also have sad new from tomorrow I will be away till friday or saturday. So I can’t write ); I am so sorry guys! I didn’t wrote much the last month so I promise you when I am back I will do a few fashion blogs. I will tell about my holiday and write a lot again (: Again I love you so much guys (l) Keep sharing my blog with other people and thanks for all the comments and like (: I am still clean from cutting! I am ad 10 days now jeej for me!

Lots of love, stay strong and till next week xx Love you